hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
