If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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