I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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