I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love having hate sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
