yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
