dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
