After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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