Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
