he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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