Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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