I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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