1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
