I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
