I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
