I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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