I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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