i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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