i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
