You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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