if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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