If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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