Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had to cum in my sink.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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