a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
