I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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