So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
