Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
