What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
