The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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