Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
