my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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