She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
