I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
