Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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