Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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