try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
