Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
