Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
