Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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