i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
