You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
