so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
