Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
