she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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