The beer is more important than you right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
