i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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