I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
