The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have aggressive nipples.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
