i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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