Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
