Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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