i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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