clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
