I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
