What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
