I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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