What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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