I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
