It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
