we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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