She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
