He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my liver is dry heaving
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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