Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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