The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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