Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
