When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
