No stitches, just platelets and will power
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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