Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
