i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
