Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
