I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How naked do you want me to be?
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