I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's always time for handjobs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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