My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
