That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize