She's JV to your varsity
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
from now on my penis is your penis
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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