It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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