were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
