Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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