I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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