I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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